A Caffeine Court Retraction....

Some of you may have noticed that I removed my post from yesterday. My husband read it and asked me if I was worried someone who knows me would see it and get mad at me.

When he first said it I was not concerned at all. After all, the only people I know personally who read my blog are members of my family.

A few hours later, I started getting paranoid. It's such a small world, and you really never know who's reading your blog-even if they aren't commenting.

Then I started having visions of my post being printed out and read to me by one of the offending parties. If any of the people I wrote about read my post-I would be in deep shit. The events were so specific, there would be no denying that I wrote it.

I couldn't get the computer, because I was out all day, and it was freaking me out!

I came to the conclusion that writing an entertaining gossipy, venting, post about other people, no matter how vague I might be about their identities, could make my life very complicated.

So, I took it down. Now I can only pray that for the 36 hours my post was up, no one involved saw it. Let's hope I learned a valuable lesson on this one. You know what they say..."The pen is mightier than the sword." Let's hope my pen (or more accurately my keyboard) doesn't end up cutting me in the throat. (While it's stabbing others in the back!)

How about you? Has your blog every landed you in hot water? Did you ever find out that someone who knew you was reading your blog and not telling you? Am I dead meat? Should I sell my house and get the heck out of Dodge?

What a tangled web I have weaved!!!

Terrible Tuesday: Gluttony

I can't believe it's Terrible Tuesday already !

I'm getting closer to the bottom of my 7 deadly sins list. So far I've covered vanity, sloth greed and wrath. My next sin: GLUTTONY

What it is: Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.

Why you do it: Because you were weaned improperly as an infant.

Your punishment in Hell will be: You'll be force-fed rats, toads, and snakes.

Associated symbols & suchlike: Gluttony is linked with the pig and the color orange. (Sorry Clemson Girl)

Most people associate gluttony with eating to0 much, but as you can see, gluttony can pertain to lots of things other than food. What am I a GLUTTON for? Let's see. The first thing that comes to mind is caffeine. I start my day with a cup of coffee and a Diet Coke. For a little variety I throw in tea, iced coffee, or a Starbuck's Cinnamon Dulce Latte. I continue to consume various forms of this stimulant throughout the day, with my last dose at approximately 7 PM. I KNOW it's not good for me, but I don't smoke, rarely drink and I don't do drugs-so as far as vices go-I don't feel too bad about it. (Although my boobs hurt all the time...and my OB/GYN says it's definitely because of the OBSCENE amounts of caffeine I imbibe each and everyday.) Sore boobs be damned. I love it-and I'm not giving it up!

I am also an enabler for my daughters' gluttony. They have so many Webkinz that I won't even list the amount on this blog-for fear that my husband will smother me with them in my sleep.

I am a glutton for tennis. When someone asks me to play I have to remind myself that I have MANY other responsibilities-much more pressing than a game of doubles.

I'm a glutton for "The Tudors," when time permits, my blog, talking on the phone and Swedish Fish. Honestly, I am a glutton for so many things-I could go on all day!

How's about you? What are you a GLUTTON for? (Other than reading Caffeine Court!)

If you want to check out some other bloggers' takes on the Seven Deadly Sins-click the Terrible Tuesday link above. There's never a dull moment on Lunanik's blog!

Lost in the Abyss Part I

I have been unable to sit at my computer long enough to write a post-even one of my famous "filler posts" for the past few days. I have been completely caught up in a whirlwind of activity the past few days...and today is my time to BREATH!


My first distraction was a big tennis match on Thursday. I played singles and the pressure was on. God was very kind to me that day. My opponent was a hard hitter who didn't like to run. All I had to do was hit the ball a few steps away from her...and she crumbled. I won 6-0 6-2. There were lots of people watching-so it was a good moment for me. I'll ride high on this victory until the next match. If I lose, I'll be on the shit list until I win again. That's how this team tennis things works. Sounds like fun right?


Here's a funny little story...two girls on my team are young (early 30's) and in great shape. One of them was a Rockette and a dancer on Broadway. Her partner is a runner and generally all muscle. Their opponents: a 68 year old and a 77 year old. Both wearing knee braces. As we all know, appearances can be deceiving. These two old women have played doubles together for 30 years, and they were a force to be reckoned with! The match was over in a heartbeat...and the senior citizen team defeated the young hotties 6-2 6-4. Which goes to show there's hope for all of us...and maybe someday I'll play tennis against a person 42 years my junior-AND WIN. One can only hope.


More on my whereabouts later. I'm going to spend some quality time with my family.

How have YOU been?

Did I give you the wrong idea?

I want to make a few clarifications regarding my "Anger Management" post.

No, I have never keyed a car, nor have I ever let the air out of some one's tire. I've never hit a car with a rock. (Snowballs and eggs, yes-rocks-NEVER!)

Have I WANTED to key a car? Hell yeah. It would have shocked the crap out of those parking spot stealing teens if I had f-ed with their car. But I didn't. I didn't even pour my chocolate milkshake all over the hood of their car like I wanted to. Why? Because despite my anger-I am civilized and have a fear of the law. The fun of getting revenge on those girls wouldn't be worth a lawsuit, or one of my neighbors witnessing my act of vandalism.

As Franklin P. Jones once said..."Nothing makes it easier to resist temptation than a proper bringing-up, a sound set of values, and witnesses."

Amen to that.

(Oh and by the way...if you're wondering who Franklin P. Jones is...well, no one is really sure, but he has a lot of famous quotes...I guess he was just a clever, witty person-just like us!)

Anger Management

Another week has flown by - and it's time for me and my posse to talk about our sins. So far I've covered vanity, sloth and greed, this week, I take on WRATH.

You want to know what pisses me off? Well I'll tell you. It really annoys me when I have my daughters' friends over, buy them ice cream from the ice cream truck, take them to the park, let them play on the Wii, and then later on when I tell them it's time for bed, my daughters call me MEAN. That absolutely ticks me off.

Or when I volunteer with a large group to complete a task our children's school and only 2 out of 20 people actually do ANYTHING. That REALLY gets my goat.

Or when I wait patiently for a parking spot at the mall and just as I'm about to pull, in a car full of teenage girls whip into the spot ahead of me. That my friends, is grounds for me to take a key to the nice red paint job on their Chrysler LeBaron. (Or if I'm in a good mood, I'll just let the air out of their tires.)

But the thing that really puts me over the edge is when people drive in their SUVs talking on their cell phones 40 miles per hour down my narrow street that is PACKED with little children. If you want to see a lady scream, you should try it sometime. I'll come after you with guns blazing. These people are so damn self absorbed, rushing to get to their manicures or appointment with a personal trainer. GOD FORBID, a child runs in the road. I've got news for these Bozos..."Running over a 4 year old might make you late for your facial appointment wench!! So maybe you should consider slow the F down...or you'll have to deal with one pissed off housewife, hyped up on caffeine and wielding an over sized tennis racket."

Take that b-tches.

Okay-so as you can see-I have some anger issues. And yes-WRATH is one of the deadly sins. There are so many ways it can kill you. Hold it in too much-and you have a heart attack...let it out and someone shoots you in the head. The solution...inner peace. The world is full of inconsiderate oafs. I'm sure I've been called one a few times myself. So rather than hate, let's all recite the words of the His Holiness the Dalai Lama

"When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace."

So the next time some dude drives down YOUR quiet little street going 50 miles per hour, remember the words of the Dalai Lama...AND THEN NAIL THE MOFO's CAR WITH A BIG OLD ROCK.

Next week: Gluttony...stay tuned.

This never gets old...GOOGLE ANALYTICS!

I took a litle trip into my Google Analytics report and came up with some interesting new keywords which led readers to Caffeine Court. The newest list is as follows: (my comments are in bold.)

pathological lying ("Honey, these shoes aren't new-I bought them last year!")

alone time more enjoyable than family time (ouch-now that one just plain hurts)

be cool, not psycho (that's my motto)

celebrity cellulite (Suburban New Jersey housewife cellulite would be more accurate)

long cleavage (Hmmm...I guess it's better than "long butt crack.")

14 year old breasts (that one freaked me out! Remind me to delete all photos of my children from this blog IMMEDIATELY)

PMS causing divorce (that one came from my husband)

Is it okay to have a one night stand on a business trip? (ANOTHER ONE from my husband! Come on dude-I'm onto you!!)

Just wanna see some breasts (another strange one-possibly from my husband.)

man runs over wife Wal-Mart (in my case that would be Target)

over 40 camel toe (I seriously don't think I've ever discussed camel toe on my blog-so how the hell did that end up in my keywords?...Is that the same person looking for "Long Cleavage?")

psycho tennis mom (finally-one that makes sense!)

puke on hard wood (with 2 dogs and a cat it's pretty much my life!)

tennis tragedies (I experience them everyday.)

If you haven't signed up for Google Analytics yet-DO IT...you will crack up when you see the nutty stuff that leads viewers to your blog.

Oh and one more thing-It's my birthday-go me-it's my birthday-go me!!! (I'm so bored-someone get me some ice cream cake...PRONTO!)

Stranded on Mother's Day...

My husband is such a sweet guy. About an hour ago he took my daughters out to give me some "Mom Time" alone. I was all psyched to run to Marshall's and try and find a $40 Ed Hardy t-shirt. Unfortunately, he took my car and he has the keys to his car with him. So I'm stranded.

My loss is your gain...because now you get to hear all about my weekend so far! (Lucky you.)

Okay, here goes...

Yesterday we took the girls to Rainforest Cafe. Have you ever been there? Kid heaven, parent hell. I was thrilled to see how happy my girls were when we got there. Of course there was a huge gift shop right up front...there were snakes and butterflies hanging from the trees, fog and rain dripping down from the ceiling. It was like a little piece of Disney right here in Jersey!

The hostess seated us at a table right near the gorillas. I thought that was a good thing. Suddenly, the Congo drums started beating, the trees started shaking and the apes pounded their chests. My 4 year old daughter, who is normally really brave LOST IT! She looked like an antelope being chased by a lion! She started trembling and crying and then booked out the door! We couldn't convince her to come back into the restaurant, so I suggested we go to The Cheescake Factory. Well THAT idea almost pushed my 8 year old over the edge. Sooo, Dad and Catherine went to the food court and older sis and I sat down for an overpriced meal in the Rainforest.

After that fiasco, we decided to go see "Speed Racer." We purchased 4 tickets and as we entered the theater I had an epiphany! What the hell was I doing going to see "Speed Racer" on my Mother's Day/birthday weekend?!

Hubby agreed to watch the movie with the girls while I had 2 hours of uninterrupted shopping time. FUN! FUN!

I got a really cool makeup kit from Lorac at Sephora. It's called the "Hollywood Heat Set." Lots of fun stuff including a blush/bronzer duo, delicious lip gloss and a gorgeous eye shadow trio. All for only $35. I got the last one, so rush to Sephora NOW and grab one before they sell out!

I also hit the Steve & Barry's store and checked out Sarah Jessica Parker's "Bitten" line. Some of the stuff was really cheap looking, but I got some really cool sunglasses-a total knock off of the Coach Cordelia sunglasses for $8.00. I also got an awesome gold tone locket on a really long chain that doesn't look cheap at all for $7.00-BONUS!

This morning I slept in until 10:30! What the hell is wrong with me?! I loved it though. I can't wait until next year to do it again!

Okay, well this post killed about a half hour of my time. I guess I'll surf the net and check out some of your blogs until the troops come home...or maybe I can hitchhike to Marshall's. Or I could paint the 50 African pots in my basement for next week's Art Show-NAAAH...

How was your Mom's Day?